In my current existence...

"You look just like mom. Who did your eyebrows?" she said.
"I did. and well yeah duh. I am her first born so of course." I said glancing over at my mother.

I sat on the edge of the bed while my little sister sat across from me and our mother laid down under the covers. It was the three of us together, along with the dogs, sitting on our queen size island. I hadn't spoken to my mother in three weeks. It's not complicated it is just poor communication mixed in with " I do what I wants! You ain't the boss of me!".
She's my mother. The women who gave me life. She's the boss.

The room was lit by a small lamp and the light from the Spanish channel on the televison. Jennifer Lopez's first ex-husband was commenting about her current ex-husband. My mom loves gossip. I won't lie. I was listening too and he was hot to look at.

We don't speak about what happens when we disagree. We're the same person.
She's 57 years old with a lot of life experience and worried about her eldest's latest shenanigans.
I'm 30 years old with a fearless attitude and not care in the world. We butt heads.

"Here." She handed me a black box.
"what is it? I don't need anything." as I grabbed the box from her hands and opened it to see 2 sets of bangle bracelets.  It's our language. We don't talk about it. We just move on and in the end I get a box.
Always a box of sparkling jewelry.

"I'm being stubborn. I'm being selfish. I do what I want! oh shut the fuck up Zoraidita and grow up." My inner dialogue goes off as I look down and put on the bracelets. 


"Thanks Ma. They're awesome. "
Oliver is hiding under the covers and Simon is asking for a belly rub. Simon reminds me of an ewok.
The new bracelets jingle on my newly tanned arm as I play with this pup. I stare at them and know that it will always stay this way until one of us decides to mend things.
It's not complicated it's just a bridge that hasn't been fixed yet. We're at two ends and neither of us wants to fix it.


"I gotta go. I have to be at work in the morning."
"Can't you spend the night? I never get to see you." My sister demands my time and I know she should always be the first one to have it. I get up from the bed and say goodbye to the pups and walk past my half-asleep mother.  No hugs. No kisses.

I grab my things and say goodbye to my little sister and the dogs. I open the front door and stop.
"Do you remember what to do the next time?"
"yeah. yeah. Answer the phone when mom calls."

I yell from the bottom of the stairs. "BYE MA!"
Her door is always open so I'll know she'll hear me.  "OK. MUCHO CUIDADO."


Her last line to me every time I go pay a visit. I have no idea when I'll be around next time. 
Soon I guess but I am not a planner.  I do what I want.