Jen is playing SkyRim while I type this post about my life thus far in my new hood, Bed Stuy. I've been living here for a month already and I can say I couldn't be more happier. Against all odds and negative opinions, I made it back to Brooklyn with the help of my family, friends and the universe. You can choose to believe in a something greater than yourself or not. I wanted to move back so badly, I wanted my second act to be better than my first. I didn't want to regret settling for the safe road and always wondering had I moved back, how my life might've been different.
I fucking did it though, with the help of a lot of people. I was scared and nervous to come back because what if nothing worked out for me? This could be the one time that things would not work out for me and the universe can just slap me in the face and say "Fuck you Z! this ain't a game girl. You can't always get your way!" ..... but I'm stubborn and optimistic until my last breath I tell you!!! Within 3 weeks, I found a job, moved into a nice 2 bd apt with my girl boo and had a marathon of comeback drinking with my Brooklyn homies. I might've overdone it with the drinking but that's only because I was super excited to be back and I have a hard time saying NO. My attitude is slowing changing to appreciate all the new opportunities I've been given the 2nd time around.
I need to enter more art shows and make art eeeerrrr daaay.
I want to excel at my job and show this company that I got this and I can be their go to gal.
I want to prove to myself that I'm not that shy, super scared,tom boy girl that just stayed in her room so as not to disturb others. Most of my friends now can't believe that I was ever quiet person but I was. Sometimes I still feel that way, but then I bury it deep inside and carry on. Some day I will die and my life will mean nothing if I didn't conquer all my fears and rock my goals.
A routine is slowly emerging and I'm glad to finally obtain some form of stability. I live on the top floor and I told Jen that I didn't want to move anytime soon since it was A PAIN to move all our stuff up 4 flights of narrow stairs. hahaha I do love our place. We have a skylight in our hallway and another one in our shower. The mornings are the best when the sun is out and shining through our skylight, feeling zestfully clean with some Vitamin D on my skin yo!
Most of my friends are still living in the area and I've successfully gone on 2 dates with 2 different guys. I can't predict how men will react to me on a date, so for better or for worst, I just act like myself. That's all one can do. A person who is worth dating will like you just as you are. Both were very different guys and I'm not looking to marry either of them, but I gotta get out there. One day the something something will align and it will finally be my day to have a male boo who loves me. I'm in no rush, thus I'll continue to enjoy the company of these men or others as they come along. And there's nothing wrong with making out with them on the first date. I have yet to hear any complaints about my kissing performance from previous dudes. Do you boo. Do you. I ain't no prude.
So I'm working on art, I'm working on improving at my job, I'm dating dudes, I'm hanging out with the important people in my life and Ghost cat is finally content. He is the most well traveled cat I've ever met, if I ever move overseas oh! he's coming with his momma. The only room he is not allowed in, is Jen's room. He is now obsessed with finding a way to get into her room when the door is closed. kinda cute. In an ideal word, he would get a job and at least help out with utilites. haha
For the first time in a long time, I can see myself not moving every fucking year because I finally have good reasons to stay a little while. I am finally motivated to work hard for myself, my family and all my dear friends. I would be such a Negative Nancy if I had no support from my precious peeps. I know I'm not always going to luck out, but I will take the bad and the good. Nothing will happen to me unless I make it happen and oh I intend to.
I'm still drinking a cheap ass beer as I type this and Jen is still playing SkyRim, she's pretty fucking good. Ghost cat is perched on top of my yellow recliner like a fuckin bird. It's a chill, rainy Sunday night and I'm happy. Not to say living in Virginia was horrible, because it wasn't. I miss my family and my friends. I just know it was time to move, my gut was roaring loud and clear. In the end, only you can decide how you want to run your life and who you want in your life.
My only regret thus far is giving up my dog Trot. Everything else, I would do it all over again. Why? Because the good times outweigh the bad in my book. I had a dream last night my company relocated me to Dulwich, U.K. I don't know why. haha I was living in an apartment with 4 other people and my bed was on the floor next to the front door. I was sitting on the bed and a guy with the brightest blue eyes came up to me and we dug each other. We talked, we kissed and in the dream I remember thinking "I've only been here a week and I'm already on the floor, making out with this dude in fucking England!" I would be very surprised if my life landed me in the U.K.! I woke up thinking "what a fucking dream!" I passed out because it was too early to be up on a Sunday and had another dream about me being sassy with Tom Brady. Tommy! looove you! haha
I am enjoying my life right now and I'm choosing to face every bad thing that comes at me, even when I'm scared to face it. I GOT THIS. I feel like I made the right choice and I arrived back in Brooklyn at the right time. It's gonna be dope as hell y'all!
