I got a text the other night. "I need you. Can I call you?"
Sure.
In minutes, my ears were filled with a tale of heartache, questions, confusion and hurt over a man.
My friend was hurting bad and all I could do is listen to her and console her with my experiences in love.
I thought to myself - "I hope I don't sound too jaded. I'm glad I got off Planet Heartbreak a long time ago."
I could only relate to her how I reacted to having my own heart broken and what I've learned so far from it. In my short 30 years, I've had my generous portion of falling in love, falling out of love, getting my heart broken and numerous episodes of lust. hahaha While listening to her, all I could do is go back and remember my past loves. A retrospective of Zoraida's love life. Indiscretions of the naughty kind, lusting over men I couldn't have and years of being a dude's girlfriend. So I'm qualified enough to help her out.
oh, fuck...love. Ugh and Yay. All I know is that it makes men and women go cray cray. Some are afraid of it so they put up a wall and others go for it, time after time in hopes of finding a true love. It's up to you whether you believe in it or not. My opinion has changed over the years. At 22 years old, being in love was the tops and I never wanted that new car smell of love to ever go away. At 30, I know what I want. I'm not in love and I'm more cautious of who I hand my heart to after my battle scars. Yes, I'm slightly jaded but true to my optimism, hopeful. I'm such a sucker.
hahaha fuckin telenovelas.
That new car smell of love goes away and then you're left with a person you've become comfortable with and you find out what they're really like. Habits, personalities and life get in the way of "love". Are you going to put up with me for a long time? Do you still love me after all this time? Honey, I love you! Cutie, you're the best! Why can't you just refill the goddamn toilet paper? I see how couples interact with each other. But I only see the surface, I'm not all in up in their kool-aid. So I don't know everything. Some are together because they don't want to be alone and have settled. Others truly are retarded for each other and I can't imagine them ever apart.
Sooo luck of the draw???
Some get dealt a good hand at love. Good for you! Appreciate what you have!
Love is a powerful drug. I question its purpose a lot. You give me the best high, then you become a downer and then you rejuvenate me once more for another dose. what the hell?
My friend was being more rational than most girls in her story and I felt bad for her. It sucks and we all have to go through a swamp of gross heartaches to come out a brand new person in the end. That yucky feeling is so overwhelming at that precise moment, that everything seems hopeless. You cry, you get angry, you cut your hair short, you drink like a fish or sleep around. Whatever works for you boo. Do you boo. Do you! I'm not one to judge.
I will confess I have some residual feelings lingering around in my heart. You dig a person so much, you just never get over it. But that doesn't stop me from looking and mingling with the men folk. I'm an adult. I keep moving and I'm always looking toward the horizon for new adventures. I've fallen in love and then he ended up loving alcohol more than me. I've been in a steady relationship and it got too hard and too dramatic to continue to drown with that person. And I've also lied to myself about the reality of love and suddenly got catapulted into singledom. All water under the bridge. For an artist, love and heartache is gold. A nasty muse that fuels the creativity. Shout out to Patsy Cline.
But I'm happy now so I'm finding other subjects to draw about.
So there she was, hurting and I was honest with her about how she felt and how I perceived her situation. I've made my mistakes in love but it happened and I'm still here. Alive with a job, a car, awesome friends and a Netflix account. :) Things happen for a reason. But she's stronger than she thinks she is right now. So am I and so are you.
I've learned love is a wild beast with a bi-polar temperament but sometimes it turns to a devoted companion you can live with. Such is the nature of the beast.
I sometimes think about an 80 year old Zoraida with her wrinkly old man walking in the city. He'd call me cutie. I'd call him my tall drink of handsome. I like tall men. It's not hard to find one. I'm 5'2" of genuine awesome sauce.
