Beer and Boys in Bed Stuy

Jen is playing SkyRim while I type this post about my life thus far in my new hood, Bed Stuy. I've been living here for a month already and I can say I couldn't be more happier. Against all odds and negative opinions, I made it back to Brooklyn with the help of my family, friends and the universe. You can choose to believe in a something greater than yourself or not. I wanted to move back so badly, I wanted my second act to be better than my first. I didn't want to regret settling for the safe road and always wondering had I moved back, how my life might've been different.

I fucking did it though, with the help of a lot of people. I was scared and nervous to come back because what if nothing worked out for me? This could be the one time that things would not work out for me and the universe can just slap me in the face and say "Fuck you Z! this ain't a game girl. You can't always get your way!" ..... but I'm stubborn and optimistic until my last breath I tell you!!! Within 3 weeks, I found a job, moved into a nice 2 bd apt with my girl boo and had a marathon of comeback drinking with my Brooklyn homies. I might've overdone it with the drinking but that's only because I was super excited to be back and I have a hard time saying NO. My attitude is slowing changing to appreciate all the new opportunities I've been given the 2nd time around.

I need to enter more art shows and make art eeeerrrr daaay.
I want to excel at my job and show this company that I got this and I can be their go to gal.
I want to prove to myself that I'm not that shy, super scared,tom boy girl that just stayed in her room so as not to disturb others. Most of my friends now can't believe that I was ever quiet person but I was. Sometimes I still feel that way, but then I bury it deep inside and carry on. Some day I will die and my life will mean nothing if I didn't conquer all my fears and rock my goals.

A routine is slowly emerging and I'm glad to finally obtain some form of stability. I live on the top floor and I told Jen that I didn't want to move anytime soon since it was A PAIN to move all our stuff up 4 flights of narrow stairs. hahaha I do love our place. We have a skylight in our hallway and another one in our shower. The mornings are the best when the sun is out and shining through our skylight, feeling zestfully clean with some Vitamin D on my skin yo!

Most of my friends are still living in the area and I've successfully gone on 2 dates with 2 different guys. I can't predict how men will react to me on a date, so for better or for worst, I just act like myself. That's all one can do. A person who is worth dating will like you just as you are. Both were very different guys and I'm not looking to marry either of them, but I gotta get out there. One day the something something will align and it will finally be my day to have a male boo who loves me.  I'm in no rush, thus I'll continue to enjoy the company of these men or others as they come along. And there's nothing wrong with making out with them on the first date. I have yet to hear any complaints about my kissing performance from previous dudes. Do you boo. Do you. I ain't no prude.

 So I'm working on art, I'm working on improving at my job, I'm dating dudes, I'm hanging out with the important people in my life and Ghost cat is finally content. He is the most well traveled cat I've ever met, if I ever move overseas oh! he's coming with his momma.  The only room he is not allowed in, is Jen's room. He is now obsessed with finding a way to get into her room when the door is closed. kinda cute. In an ideal word, he would get a job and at least help out with utilites. haha

For the first time in a long time, I can see myself not moving every fucking year because I finally have good reasons to stay a little while. I am finally motivated to work hard for myself, my family and all my dear friends.  I would be such a Negative Nancy if I had no support from my precious peeps. I know I'm not always going to luck out, but I will take the bad and the good. Nothing will happen to me unless I make it happen and oh I intend to.

I'm still drinking a cheap ass beer as I type this and Jen is still playing SkyRim, she's pretty fucking good. Ghost cat is perched on top of my yellow recliner like a fuckin bird. It's a chill, rainy Sunday night and I'm happy. Not to say living in Virginia was horrible, because it wasn't. I miss my family and my friends. I just know it was time to move, my gut was roaring loud and clear. In the end, only you can decide how you want to run your life and who you want in your life.

My only regret thus far is giving up my dog Trot. Everything else, I would do it all over again. Why? Because the good times outweigh the bad in my book. I had a dream last night my company relocated me to Dulwich, U.K. I don't know why. haha I was living in an apartment with 4 other people and my bed was on the floor next to the front door. I was sitting on the bed and a guy with the brightest blue eyes came up to me and we dug each other. We talked, we kissed and in the dream I remember thinking "I've only been here a week and I'm already on the floor, making out with this dude in fucking England!" I would be very surprised if my life landed me in the U.K.! I woke up thinking "what a fucking dream!" I passed out because it was too early to be up on a Sunday and had another dream about me being sassy with Tom Brady. Tommy! looove you! haha

I am enjoying my life right now and I'm choosing to face every bad thing that comes at me, even when I'm scared to face it. I GOT THIS. I feel like I made the right choice and I arrived back in Brooklyn at the right time. It's gonna be dope as hell y'all!

Thoughts from the Laundry Room

I absolutely wait until the last possible minute, second and moment to accomplish necessary tasks.  I am leaving for Vegas on Friday to enjoy and share shenanigans with some girl boos. "What happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas!"....right, not if you know my trigger happy finger for Instagram. OK EVERYONE GET TOGETHER. I carry a strange and fiery energy that attracts epic and weird nights with hazy mornings and slow afternoons filled with sips of vitamin water and aspirin. I am as raunchy or as tame as the company I keep.

Again, leaving soon and I haven't done a damn thing; ergo, I'm doing laundry this late into the night. I will most likely get my usual 5 hours of sleep. Tomorrow will be a whirlwind of work, running around to get the necessities and packing. Before I know it, I'll be suffering from horrible airplane pressure in betwixt my ears praying for the ride to be over. All in the name of good times and possible regretful moments of humiliation. This I am a veteran at, someone give me a fuckin purple heart. All of these moments, I take in stride and carry on with my light heart, my dimples and my rad tendency to dance anywhere I am. Example: A day at the winery led back to my work BFF's house and after a couple of hours, I was the dance show on top of his fireplace. I love to boogie yo!

Vegas will be fun. And before I know it, BOOM, back to business and handling the next act. I should write a play about Act II: Z returns to New York. Lights! Spotlight! Act I - The heroine falls in love, moves to NY with her love boo and gets her heart kicked in the ass. She runs back home to find out she should've never left NY and the suburbs are suffocating her creativity. However, she doesn't regret her past decisions, picks herself up and fuckin goes back to NY.  Act II hasn't been written since it hasn't happen yet but I get this funny feeling it will be quite the adventure. I open myself to everything - crazy people, unknown adventures and so many cute men! Who totally oogles men?  This gal!
Side story - Went to Starbucks the other day and my barista was quite the handsome guy and he complimented me on my smile and forearm tattoo. I said "Word. Thanks!", grabbed my tall skinny caramel macchiato and gave him my best smile.

As everything I've done, this new adventure is going about the same way it went the first time. I'm rushing to get everything ready and I am optimistic it will happen. Stress has been playing a big part of it the past couple of months. Am I really leaving a steady job to fucking go pursue my dream? I still have loans and all that shit! I don't have enough money saved and still no job. What the fuck am I doing?!!!!
I AM STILL GOING TO DO IT. Call me crazy Aunt Shirley!

When you imagine your future and think I could still be doing this in 10 years and know you are not looking forward to your future, forget it! I made up my mind. One should be excited about their life, fuck yea! My life rules! kind of daily affirmation. Yes, now I have some extra skills I didn't know I was good at, but it's not where my heart is. I'm willing to become super duper uber broke to feed my creative soul.

My mother isn't happy at all about this decision, but as she put it to me once "I'll never cut off your wings Gordita." I promised her if she doesn't have another heart attack from another crazy thing I do, I will find a way to SETTLE DOWN. I will find a crazy, somewhat sensible man who loves the shit out of me and I'll finally have savings in the bank. I'll teach him how to say certain Spanish phrases so she doesn't look at him like another crazy gringo her oldest daughter brought home. It'll be great!

I am still in the laundry room, now waiting for that sweet laundry to dry. Rolling update like what...
Now switching the iPOD to Men at Work - Down Under. How can you not dance in your chair?!
Excited, stressed, broke and still generally a happy me despite all the recent changes. You gotta learn to adjust. There are a lot of things I am afraid of, speaking to strangers and making left hand turns on a busy street. *shudders* I still do them, despite dying inside of nervousness, because I don't want to live in a shell for the rest of my life. My 30s are turning out better than my 20s, holla! It was noted by my friend, I say holla a lot in a 20 minute conversation. Word.

Going back to the being scared shit, I am because I don't know how it's going to go and will I fail miserably or succeed??. who knows?! I don't.  The worst that could happen is that I end up living in a van down by the river with my cat. Even then, I'll be like oh I live in New York and my rent is stupid cheap because I live in a van. hahaha The unknown offers endless possibilities as much as scary stuff that could happen. I got mad boos in New York who are willing to help this girl out so I ain't worried.

oy! Not writing my life story up in here and oh yes! I have 15 minutes left on the machine. I'll be rocking hot and fresh clothes for Vegas.  Now I end with Nat King Cole's Nature Boy. What a fucking a good singer.