Inspired by heartache and the search for love

I thought my world was going to come crashing down and I would die alone when my last relationship ended. That was 2 years ago and I've been on my own ever since. Sometimes I feel like if I became successful at love and nothing else I would be a happy clam. I have always been fascinated by this intangible entity that everyone wants to feel but most of us are lost in it, end up settling for something less or giving up on it completely.

I don't have the best examples of love growing up and now as an adult I've had my fair share of heartaches. Despite all those negative experiences, I am still OPTIMISTIC love will find me and we can finally be buds. People I love are hurting right now and it just got me thinking about love all over again. I haven't been thinking about it much since I am constantly distracted by other things in my life. How can an emotion that gives you a high in the beginning be the same emotion that brings you down in the end?

You invest so much love into another being and when it goes to shit...you are left to wonder how that didn't work out?  I don't have a definitive answer to this. I'm 30 and I'm still trying to figure it out. The only thing I can do is handle my shit and if it happens...well hot dog! I'll take that risk once again and see where it goes. Love is risky. It is part of the human experience and we all have to take a sip here and there. I've never been one to turn down a challenge so I keep getting on that horse despite my short legs. I see love as a tall horse. I look up at it like most things in my life but I can't seem to stay on it for too long before it bucks me off.

I am not sure what kind of drawings and paintings I would produce if I was happy in love. I'll come to that dilemma when it happens. haha

So all these conversations of love and heartache made me want to paint again. I'm not the one hurting over a broken love but I wanted to paint it. For the first time I am trying to paint heartache without being able to feel it.  I am happy, calm and having fun with my life.
So I'm not sad due to another significant other. I haven't said " I love you" to another guy in 2 years because I don't like tossing those words around unless I mean it.
But like Frida Kahlo, I paint the elements that surround my current life.
 This is what I'm working on so far....

I'm broke so I can't afford canvas - what I do have is leftover paper. And to boot I don't have enough paints to make it more colorful. So I'll make this part of my red series like Picasso's blue series. I made the heart the center of everything since that's what starts everything. You consume love and can't get enough of it in the beginning then if that love turns toxic you just want it out of your system. However, it can act like a drug sometimes and you don't want to give it up despite all the red flags.

The painting is not finished by any means and I hope to finish it this week. I don't have a good reason not to finish painting or make more. I am not in love so I'm not distracted by it. hahaha
The human experience will always be the constant muse to this artist.
How do you visualize something you can't put in a jar and keep forever?
I feel productive today and very glad I got the chance to paint today. Creation is the shit yo!