Burning the candles at both ends

I'm moving out in 3 weeks. I'm leaving for California in 2 weeks. I'm running my first 8k race in 3 weeks. I have an art deadline to meet in 4 weeks. And I still need to finish applying to grad school. oy vey!
It's a cluster fuck all in the first couple of weeks in December. I never intend to do that to myself but again I don't really put much thought into my future actions before saying yes to everything. And now I find myself slightly overwhelmed by the near future.

I'm saying good bye to my 20s and hello to my 30s - insert nervous squeal. I guess I pictured myself in a different place by the time I turned 30. My dream was to be living abroad, working on art, having a job that would support said art and being in love with a quirky, a little off in the head yet lovable boyfriend. We'd be living in a loft on top of some mom n' pop shop with our pets in an apartment filled with paintings,wood furniture and knick knacks out the wazoo!

These images popped into my head here and there as I was venturing through my roaring 20s. RAWR!

My current reality is quite different. My constant moving, short attention span and lack of direction have led me back to me hometown for the 2nd time. I've been bouncing around like a spaceman on the moon ever since I graduated college. I'm deluding myself in thinking that I could have a life like Indiana Jones (one of my all time favorite movies) searching for the Holy grail. My holy grail isn't some ancient cup but an inner drive to continue exploring outside of my routine. I want to see more and I want to see all of it. One teeny tiny problem...I'm not a rich bitch. So looks like Spain, Brazil and Prague will have to wait for my arrival, in the meantime I've settled for moving up and down the East Coast of the good ole' USA.

 It has proven to be awesome, the most horrible idea ever, full of adventure, pain, some of the best times ever and uber expensive. zoinks!

I think to myself that maybe if I had chosen to stay put I would be in a better place right now. But how would I be able to shut down my free spirit. Ok dude! We cannot go anywhere. We are an adult now and we must act responsibly with caution and logic. That is sooooo not me! My sister? Yes. My mother? Of course! Not this zeatle. So why do I keep trying to settle down?

Because I still like the idea of coming home to something constant. I could go up,down, sideways and every which way but the idea of having one safe spot seems nice. I just haven't found that one spot yet. It's like falling in love, right? When you know it's for real real and not for play play.
uhh.....yeah it hasn't happened to me yet.

C'est la vie!

I march on with a new do', my tattooed arms carrying my sketchbook and my deaf cat trotting behind me. I'm not a crazy cat lady. I got him because I wanted a dog. I know! It makes no sense.

But the day something in my life makes sense...I might just want to stay. No promises though.